Yaoioh!:Soap Opera with YuGiOh guys
by chisainekocat
Summary: Soap opera? With Yu-Gi-Oh guys loving each other WAAAYY too much? Lots of couples...can't give them away! YAOIrn This fanfic was originally posted in my anime club's site, and has gotten great reviews!
1. Episode 1

**Hello! This is the Neko-chan!**

** This fanfic is my very first. It was originally posted in my anime club's site, and the responses were hilarious, lol . I never had any chapter names and I don't plan on putting any. I already have 7 chapters to upload right now!  
**

** It's purposely cheesy-soap-opera-ish. That's why the characters may seem a bit weird and out of character. Don't worry, I preserved their personalities occasionally throughout the fanfic.**

** Oh yeah, this fanfic is SERIOUSLY YAOI. Stay or leave, I don't care.**

**Warnings: Uhh...yaoiness? Lots of it?**

**Disclaimer: I dun own Yu-Gi-Oh, but my bro owns the term "Yaoi-oh", so ask me before you want to use it. **

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**Chapter 1 **

Yugi has a fight with Tea.

Tea: Yugi, you're NEVER there when I need you! You're always buried in those stupid cards of yours. Do you even love me anymore?

Yugi: What?!? They're aren't just ANY cards!

Tea: You don't kiss me before I go to bed anymore!

Yugi: Well, I'm REALLY busy making up new strategies to duel Kaiba.

Tea: Kaiba. Kaiba. That's all I hear about! It's as if you love him more than me.

Yugi: Well, guess what, I DO.

Tea: ::gasp::

Yugi: In fact, we've been together for 6 months. Day AND night. If you know what I mean.

Tea: ::horribly pale with terror:: Yu...gi...

Yugi: I'm going to see him RIGHT NOW.

Tea: FINE! I don't need you anymore! GO AWAY! ::cries::

Yugi: ::runs off::

Tea: ::swallows 7 tablets of random pills::

......meanwhile......

Yugi: Kaiba!

Kaiba: Yugi!

Yugi: Oh, my love, my true sweet love...

Kaiba: I haven't seen you for so long! Where have you been?

Yugi: Ah, I had a little skirmish. Nothing much.

Kaiba: Well...I have something to tell you....

Yugi: Yes, sweetheart?

Kaiba: I'm...pregnant.

Yugi: ::gasp:: How...what...

Kaiba: Look, this is all your fault.

Yugi: What? What do you mean?

Kaiba: You don't remember? That one night...we decided to celebrate our anniversary ....and had a lil party for ourselves, some fine red wine....

Yugi: Oh....

Kaiba: You know what you did.

Yugi: What I did?? You put the moves on ME.

Kaiba: What?? I can resist your so-called "moves".

Yugi: No, you can't.

Kaiba: Yeah, you're right. You're just way..too..hot...for me.

Yugi: :sigh: Now what are we're going to do?

Kaiba: I....I guess we're going to have a baby.

Yugi: All right, my love, ::clasps Kaiba's hands:: we can do this. Our everlasting love will pull us through...

Kaiba: ::sniff:: Just one thing...I'm sorry...I panicked...I said something I shouldn't have...

Yugi: What?

Kaiba: ::sigh:: I..I guess I have to tell you the truth... breaks down into uncontrollable sobs::

Yugi: C'mon, you can tell me. I love you...

Kaiba: :: sniff:: This isn't your baby.

DUM DUM DUM....


	2. Episode 2

**Sorry if there are weird typos...transferring stuff from Word does strange things...**

**Warnings: Can't think of any.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh.**

**

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Episode 2 **

Yugi: What?!? What do you...mean?? ::tears well up in his eyes::

Kaiba: I didn't mean it! I didn't mean to sleep with Peg...::gasps and hastily covers mouth::

Yugi: With WHO?

Kaiba: Peg...gy. Peggy. This...new girl.

Yugi: Peg...asus?

Kaiba: NO! No, it's not Pegasus!

Yugi: You...betrayed me....for THAT...man...::vicious look in teary eyes:: How could you DO this to me?!? ::bursts into uncontrollable sobs::

Kaiba: Yugi...please...don't be unreasonable...

Yugi: Unreasonable...UNREASONABLE?!? You were my love! You were my LIFE! And you...you...backstabbed me!!

Kaiba: Yugi...

Yugi: Don't touch me!

Kaiba: stunned ::sniff:: I..I have to go then...

Yugi: Yes, go, GO! Go to your beloved PEGASUS!

::Kaiba slowly backs away, then runs off::

-Meanwhile, on a sofa in a dark, warm den with a fireplace in Kaiba's mansion-

Mokuba: This is dangerous! What if someone finds out?

Noah: Oh Mokuba, you worry way too much. Did I ever tell you you have beautiful hair? ::lovingly strokes Mokuba's beautiful hair:: >smooch 

Mokuba: What if in!

Noah: ::nuzzles up with Mokuba:: Ugh, that brother of yours disgusts me. Now, let's get back to you...

Mokuba: Oh Noah...

Noah: Mokuba...I knew from the day I met you...that you were the one...

Mokuba: ::nestled in Noah's arms:: Oh Noah, you're soOoOo romantic.

Noah: I...love you...::closes onto Mokuba's lips::

-smooch smooch-  
>Noah and Mokuba make out 

BOOM >Slamming the door open, Kaiba bursts in 

Mokuba: ::gasp:: Seto...

Kaiba: Mokuba...whah..what are you doing?!?

Pegasus:: leans over Kaiba's shoulder Oh...it looks like this room's occupied, sugarbun. Come on, there are other rooms where we can get some..."rest".

Kaiba: NOAH?!? Get your filthy hands off my brother! ::rushes over::

Mokuba: No! Please! Stop! Don't hurt him!

Noah: We meet again, Seto Kaiba.

Kaiba: Yes, and on less than pleasant terms.

Noah: Not really, Mokuba and I WERE having a pretty good time...

Kaiba: Shut up! What did you do to him?

Noah: ::shrugs cooly:: Nothing. I love him and he loves me. Simple as that.

Kaiba: You messed with his mind! Like last time in your stupid virtual world...::gasps as the sting of realization hits him:: You didn't...

Noah: Oh, what did Mokie and I do last time? Dunno, maybe a little champagne there, some roses, a smooch here, maybe a butt rub there, nothing, really.

Kaiba: N...oah...

Pegasus: Seto! Darling! Think of the baby!

Mokuba: Say what?

WHAM >Door slams open again, and the click of a gun is heard 

voice: Stop right there, Seto Kaiba.

DUM DUM DUM DUMMMM......


	3. Episode 3

**Warnings: Total Tea bashing, a little gun violence...**

**Disclaimer: I didn't do it! I didn't come up with Yu-Gi-Oh! ::dramatically cries::**

**

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Chapter 3 **

>a dark figure appears and walks towards the light

Mokuba: Tea?!?

Tea: Yes, it's me...and I'm here for your #$'in brother, the evil monster who stole my love! ::aims gun towards Kaiba::

Pegasus: No! Please! Leave him alone! ::steps in front of Kaiba::

Kaiba: Step aside, Pegasus, I can handle this.

Pegasus: But, sweetheart...

Kaiba: I...I know I can...I don't want you to get hurt.

Pegasus: I'll stay right here with you...::grasps Kaiba's hand::

Tea: What IS this?!? Kaiba, you vicious snake, you stole my Yugi away from me! Why is Pegasus hanging around you all of the sudden??? ::gasp::

Kaiba: I...::squeezes Pegasus's hand:: I love Pegasus. Yugi was just a..."side dish".

Tea: You STOLE him and then ABANDONED him?!? You...horrible...::starts to pull the trigger::

BAM!

-Tea falls to the floor-

Noah: ::blows the smoke off his gun:: Finally, that wretch needed to shut up.

Mokuba: Noah! How...what...

Noah: I couldn't let her hurt you...my love.

Mokuba: Oh Noah...::rushes into Noah's arms::

Kaiba: STAY AWAY FROM HIM!! ::grabs Mokuba::

Mokuba: NO! I love him, Seto! Please!! ::struggles::

Yugi: bursts into the room Kaiba! There you are!

Kaiba: ::lets go of Mokuba:: Yugi...

Yugi: All those love poems, red roses, those late nights...did they mean ANYTHING to you?!?

Kaiba: Yes! I mean no! Or yes! I...I really don't know...

Yugi: You! Pegasus! You stole my Kaiba...

Pegasus: Hmm..well...I'm MUCH more handsome and debonair...

Yugi: You bastard! ::rushes to punch Pegasus::

Pegasus and Yugi fight

Yugi: ::grabs Pegasus's Louis Vuitton wallet:: What's this? ::gasp:: -holds up a picture of Pegasus mingling with Duke-

Noah: It seems that Pegasus has found a new "side dish" for himself.

Kaiba: ::gasp:: SHUT UP! Pegasus, what is this?!?

Pegasus: Well, we met when he was introducing me to Dungeon Dice Monsters. Great game, but we got tired of playing with dice after awhile. I offered him a bit of champagne, we had a nice chat, and later we decided to play...with each other.

Kaiba: TRAITOR!

Pegasus: And when I heard about the baby, I figured I was going to need a new...how to put it..."exercise partner"....

Kaiba: How DARE you...

Pegasus: Ah, well, life's life...I have my fun, you have my child, and..

Kaiba: You can have THIS! ::punches Pegasus in the face::

-Pegasus is out cold-

Yugi: Hmph. Now, let's get back to..hey, whah...

YU-GI-OH!!!

Yami Yugi takes over

Yami Yugi: Kaiba...I've waited a long time to see you...sweetheart.

DUM DUM DUMMM


	4. Episode 4

**Warnings: Man, I can never think of any...**

**Disclaimers: Is Yu-Gi-Oh mine? You tell me.**

**

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Episode 4**

Kaiba: Yami...yugi...

Yami: It's been a while, hasn't it?

Kaiba: >eyes start glistening with tears I...I haven't seen you for so long! I've missed you...

Yami: Yet you still...betrayed me.

Kaiba: gasp NO! I didn't mean it! THREE MONTHS without YOU! How could I help myself?!? I went insane...I... cringes ...actually dated such...TRASH. I missed your love, Yami! ::sniff:: I missed all those hugs, kisses, warm nights...EVERYTHING. Don't hate me! I've always loved you! Please, forgive me, Yami, FORGIVE ME!! bursts into huge sobs -crumples to Yami's feet, begging for forgiveness-

Yami: ::stunned and speechless::

Kaiba: I...::sniff::...understand if you don't. But....::sniff:: please try...::cries even more::

Yami: Kaiba...I'm shocked...

Kaiba: ::sniff:: I know....

Yami: >bends down to hold Kaiba's face in his hands Kaiba..I'm only shocked because I'm surprised that you would think that I would ever hate you...::tears start to flow::

Kaiba:: >gasp Yami...

Yami: Yes, and I hope you'll accept this as a token of my everlasting love... kisses Kaiba

::HUGE MAKEOUT SCENE::

Noah and Mokuba: ::completely frozen:: OO OO

5 minutes later, Yami and Kaiba's making out is still in session

-Noah and Mokuba have managed to start breathing again-

Mokuba: Whoa...

Noah: Er hem...

Yami: >caught with lips on Kaiba's lips, hands inching down Kaiba's back Oh...it seems that we have company..

Noah: --;

Kaiba: Please... >smooch just 5 more minutes...

Yami: How about we meet somewhere...

Kaiba: Yes, let's...at that special bedroom of mine...

Yami: >smooch Meet you at 12:00?

Kaiba: Yes...and make sure you're filled with red wine...

-after somehow wrenching off their lips and hands off each other, Yami and Kaiba go off their separate ways-

Noah: Er hem...that was SERIOUSLY unnescessary...

Mokuba: I have SOME expectations to live up to...

-the two guys go out, leaving the drooling, snoring Tea and sleeps-like-a-baby Pegasus behind-

-the next morning-

Kaiba: >yawns Ahhh...that was SOME night. Right, sweetheart? >rolls over to see his beloved bedmate 

Kaiba: OO

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

-in some other room-Yami: >yawns and groans $#...where's Kaiba?? He never showed up..

DUM DUM DA DUMMMMMM


	5. Episode 5

**Warnings: Not really a warning, but from now on I'm calling the chapters "episodes" like I did in my anime club's site. It's to keep the soap opera atmosphere around, ahaha.**

**Disclaimers: La la la....Yu-Gi-Oh is not mInE....**

**

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Episode 5 **

Kaiba: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Yami: Oh no, that's Kaiba! ::scrambles out of bed and rushes out of the room::

Kaiba: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Yami:>gasps and pants as he stops in front of Kaiba's door Kaiba! What's wrong?!?

Kaiba: Oh, Yami! ::hastily pulls on his frilly, lace-trimmed, satin pink nightgown, the one with a little Watapon embroidered in the corner::

Yami: Kaiba? Are you in there?

Kaiba: >bursts out of the door, all pale and shaken up Yami! It's terrible! I'm sorry!! I guess I got so drunk last night I didn't know what I was doing!! I had no idea!!

Yami: What are you talking about?

Kaiba: Look in.. lip trembles ...there...::points to room::

::the mysterious "bedside boyfriend" snores as his limp body rolls off the bed and his head bonks off the ground. As his familiar putrid blue-green hair slides off his face, his identity turns out to be...::

Yami: WEEVIL UNDERWOOD?!?

Kaiba: Ohhgh..::faints into Yami's arms::

Yami: >sigh Don't worry, we'll get it all straightened out, sweetheart. ::smooches Kaiba as he gently places him down::

::Yami walks into the bedroom::

Weevil: >still sound asleep Ahh..you have lovely brown hair, my dearrrr...so beautiful..so long and fluffy... >snores 

Yami: Ugh...::nudges Weevil away::

>notices a strange, large, lump on the other side of the bed 

Yami: What the...::uncovers the lump::

Yami: OO

Yami: >pales and shivers Oh...$#.

-Meanwhile, an exhausted Mokuba wanders into the kitchen-

Mokuba: >yawns ahhh.....whah?

Pegasus: >is donning a cute pink plaid apron and maid cap HelloOoOo, little one. I woke up rather hungry so I decided to make breakfast for whoever wants it. Care for a crumpet? ::charming smile ding ::

Mokuba: Oo Err...no thanks. What's up with her? >points to the completely wasted, drooling, snoring, Tea propped up by a chair at a small coffee table 

Pegasus: Oh, her. She's just totally out of it. She wakes up every 30 minutes and yells something obscure like "Gimme a smoke!" or "Caffiene?? Where IS the CAFFIENE?!?" and collapses right back asleep. Perhaps bacon might keep her up...::hums and goes back to cooking::

Mokuba: >sigh Oh, well...

Pegasus: Hmm? >continues scrambling eggs Do you need something, my dear?

Mokuba: Oh, nothing. I was just wondering if you've seen Noah around lately. We were SUPPOSED to meet last night to..uhh..watch some late night TV...but noOo, he stood me up...

DUM DUM DA DUMMM...


	6. Thanksgiving Special

** On a Thanksgiving Break long ago: As a lovely present, I decided to make up a "Thanksgiving special" version of my fanfic AND an episode. Whohoo!! When I mean "special," I mean like the kind you would find in anime that tie in with the series but have no real impact on the actual storyline. Yeah, those random episode thingies...**

**No, this special doesn't really have anything to do with Thanksgiving except for maybe Pegasus's obsession with cooking. It was made up during Thanksgiving break.**

** A poll is mentioned in this fanfic. I conducted a poll in my anime club's site, in which I listed all the characters that appeared in my fanfic so far and asked people which character they liked best. The third place award went to Kaiba. Yami Yugi held second place. And first place went to...**

** "The crumpet Pegasus offers Mokuba"**

** Yeah, seriously.**

** I wanted to use the first place winner to base my special off of, and well, I did.**

** No, I'm not British. I haven't eaten a crumpet before, either.  
**

**Warnings: I do not mean offense to real reporters or DJs. Or crumpets.**

**Disclaimer: You know the deal...**

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Thanksgiving Special **

-Pegasus is humming to "I Feel Like A Woman" as he is daintily adjusting his cute pink maid cap upon his head and begins to look through the cookbook-

Pegasus: Hmm...what to do, what to do...

>ding dong 

Pegasus: Hmm? It seems that we have company. Mokuba? Would you get that...

-Mokuba is snoring away on the breakfast table and has the harmonious quality of a kitchen blender attempting to grind up a brick-

Pegasus: Oh well, guess I'll have to take care of things myself.

-a large clamor of people yelling at and shoving each other is heard outsde the door-

Pegasus: My, my, who could these people be?

::opens door::

-whoosh-  
-A wind blows over the shocked hodgepodge group of previously barbarian-aggresive reporters armed with dozens of microphones and cameras of all shapes and sizes. The reporters are staring because they had no idea Pegasus was at Kaiba's mansion, and he is standing before them with a pink maid cap on his head and a pink apron around his surprisingly slender waist. Pegasus is staring because he is wondering if he has enough ingredients to make crumpets for all of them-

Pegasus: Yes? Who may you be?

Random reporter#1: Erhem, we are all distinguished reporters from all of Japan, and we all want to interview Mr. Seto Kaiba as sort of a.."Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" kind of thing.

Pegasus: Well, _I'm_ rich and famous! How come you never showed up at my door??? Hmph...

Random reporter#1: Because..uh..we KNOW that you have better things to do than pester you with silly questions! >charming smile 

Pegasus: And Kaiba boy doesn't?? Ugh, I'm dis-GUSTED... >about to close door 

Random reporter#1: Wait, wait! No! We haven't interviewed you because...er..heck..these are the questions we want to ask Kaiba.. >whispers in Pegasus's ear 

::Pegasus's face lights up with delight as he squeals with glee::

Pegasus: Oh, well then! Come on in. Wipe your feet on the carpet, don't break anything, and try not to steal the furniture....oh, Kaiba!! Kaiba dArLiNg!!

>Yami Yugi comes into the living room, dragging his precious boyfriend 

Yami: Kaiba's kind of out for the moment...::grimaces as he attempts to place Mr. Sleeping Beauty on the couch::

>Nevertheless, the crazed reporters rush over to scene and begin screaming at poor Kaiba to try to wake him up 

Pegasus: No, NO! You have to use this! ::waves a fresh, steaming, crumpet underneath Kaiba's nose::

Kaiba: Ergh... >slowly comes to 

Pegasus: See? It never fails... >pops crumpet into mouth as he strolls back towards the kitchen 

Random reporter#2: Mr. Kaiba! ::shoves mic in front of Kaiba's face:: There are rumors that you are pregnant. Is this true???

Kaiba: >rather drowsily Ugh...err...

Yami: Leave him alone!

Random reporter #3: You! Mr. Yugi Motou! How do manage a relationship with a man that has social problems...

Random reporter #4:...only hangs out with his younger brother...

Random reporter #5:...is supposedly pregnant...

Random reporter #6:...and has had multiple affairs with many men...not necessarily one at a time??

Yami: Uhh..._ thinking: Heart of the Cards, guide me!!_

--embarrassing pause--

Yami: Um...with love from the bottom of my heart? >hopeful smile 

>huge groan from the crowd 

Kaiba: >is fully awake Huh? What's going on?

Random reporter#7: Mr. Seto Kaiba! How many men have you slept with??

Kaiba: That's none of your business!

Random reporter #7: 2? 6? 9??

Pegasus: >from the kitchen Too many to count!

Kaiba: Shut up!

Random reporter #8: Mr. Kaiba sir, we have taken a poll to see how popular you are around Japan...

Kaiba: I REALLY don't give a -bleep- --conveniently censored for proper live primetime TV viewing-

Random reporter #8: Well, the polls have shown that you are third to only Yami Yugi and a...British teatime snack food.

Kaiba: What?!?

Pegasus: Thank goodness for crumpets!

Kaiba: That idiot...

Random DJ with a gangsta Osakan accent: Mr. Kaiba, yo! What's ur favorite song, man? I'll play it for you on da radio sometime! Lemme guess..is it "Can't Help Falling in Love" by ATEENS?? >tries to resist Yami's unusually strong attempts to shove the crowd out the door 

Kaiba: No!

Random DJ: "P.I.M.P." by Nelly?

Kaiba: NO!

Random DJ: Or is it "Oops, I Did It Again" by Britney Spe... WHAM! -door is shut-

Kaiba: Ugh... >faints onto couch 

Yami: Kaiba!

DUM DUM DA DUM....

Anyone get the hidden meaning with the DJ's last guess?? LOL


	7. Episode 6

** This episode is ridiculously short because I realized in the middle of typing it up that it was too short. I hacked some of it off and turned it into episode 7.**

** By the way, if there are/have been any weird errors, blame the strange transferring issues from Word to I tend to not realize there's mistakes until it's too late. (cool, that rhymes ahahaha --loser) **

**Warnings: The episode may be too short for you to handle! AAAAAHHHH!!! **

**Disclaimer: Man, you gotta give me credit if you use the pregnancy deal in your fanfics (if you got the idea from this one). Haven't read a YGO fanfic like mine. No, I don't own Yugioh. Quit poking me about it.**

**

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Episode 6 **

>some grunting and shoving is heard 

Pegasus: What the?

Yami: >comes into the kitchen panting and drenched in sweat Kaiba....fainted....help me...put... >is cut short by.. .

Pegasus: WHAT?!? KAIBA-BOY?!? IS HE OK??? WHERE IS HE?!? HE HOLDS MY BABY FOR GOODNESS SAKES!!! >rushes over to Kaiba 

Mokuba: What the...hey, Yami, are you alright? You look as if you saw something seriously disturbing...have you seen Noah by the way?

Yami: ::pales and shivers:: ...

-Meanwhile, Pegasus is freaking out in the living room-

Pegasus: KAIBA!! SWEETHEART!! WAKE UP!! >shakes poor Kaiba, who is totally passed out on the couch Kaiba, darling, PLEASE!!

Kaiba: Ergghhhh... >slowly comes to 

Pegasus: SUGARBUN! YOU'RE OK!! OHHHHH, thank GOODNESS!! ::squeezes the poor guy::

Kaiba: Get off of me, you idiot bastard!

Pegasus: >gasp You don't mean that, do you...my sugar-dumpling?

Kaiba: I meant every $#'in word! Now GO AWAY!

Pegasus: Oh, sweetheart, it's probably just the morning sickness. Come now, sit down...here's a pillow for you.. pats pillow ..don't want to hurt the baby now...

Kaiba: Pffffft....heheh....ahahaha.... >starts laughing 

Pegasus: Why..why are you laughing?

Kaiba: HA! "Baby" he says! Ahahahahaha..THERE IS NO BABY!!

DUM DUM DA DUMM


	8. Episode 7

**Bwahahaha! **

**Does anybody get annoyed with the way I end my episodes? Well, too bad! I like a little dramatic music! ---unfortunantly **

**Warnings: The ending to this can be extremely disturbing. Even my own perverted bro, who edits my fanfic, couldn't speak for five seconds because of the shock. Then again, I've read worse. Maybe.  
**

**Disclaimer: Quit poking me!! No, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Leave me alone!**

**

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Episode 7 **

Pegasus: Whah...WHAT?? >pales and starts shaking violently No..no..you're kidding right???

Kaiba: Hmmph. I lost that stupid baby some time ago. Probably because of what I do at night..eheheh....

Pegasus: But..but...ah...whah....I was going to be a daddy!! >tears start to flow 

Kaiba: Ha...as if. You would make a horrible dad...or mom, whatever. Now, my Yami here..he's the ONLY one for me...

Pegasus: >clutches a pillow Are you SURE???

Kaiba: Well, what do you think?? Of course I'm su..... >suddenly turns green -rushes off to the bathroom-

Pegasus: ...??

Mokuba: Hey, what happened? Mr. Pegasus, are you ok?

Yami: -slowly follows Mokuba into the living room- Where...where's Kaiba?

Pegasus: In the bathroom...sick. >bursts into tears 

Yami: But Kaiba's not sick...

Mokuba: Isn't he pregnant? pats Pegasus's shoulder There, there, now...

Pegasus: >sniff He...says he isn't...but... >sniff ...I don't want to believe that...>sniffle sniffle 

-our favorite bile-colored-hair dude comes strolling in-

Noah: Hello, Mokuba. >fingers hair in a snobby, rich-guy way How are you this lovely morning?

Mokuba: Completely furious at you! Where were you last night?!?

Noah: Err...wasn't I with you?

Yami: -slightly twitches-...

Kaiba: >still looks slightly ill Ughh...

Pegasus: Kaiba, I want you to get tested.

Kaiba: What?!? >covers mouth due to nausea Aggghhh...

Pegasus: >stands up I demand proof. I want an actual, recent, medical report that states... >sniffle ..that.. >sniff ...you're not pregnant. >breaks down and collapses onto the couch 

Noah: What the...

-To keep Kaiba's "issues" a secret, a trusted doctor is hired to examine Kaiba-

Pegasus: ::paces in front of the door :: My, my..I hope my darling isn't sick.

>Noah and Mokuba are making out like vacuum cleaners with extreme emotional needs on a couch nearby 

Yami: ...

-Suddenly, shouting is heard from the examining room-

>Kaiba's voice SAY WHAT?!? WHAT IN THE #$ ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? THIS CAN'T BE POSSIBLE!!!

>a very professional voice It's true.

>Kaiba's voice WHAT KIND OF FAULTY EQUIPMENT DID YOU USE?!?

>the professional voice Yours.

-silence-

-The door opens-

Pegasus: Does my dumpling need me?? Am I a daddy-to-be???

Doctor: Well, Mr. Kaiba requests to see a...Mr. Yugi Motou?

Yami: That would be me.>follows doctor into room 

-a few murmurs are heard from the room, then...-

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

"There HAS to be something wrong!"

"No, sir, Mr. Kaiba's DNA database is extremely accurate. Not a single mistake."

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

"Here..let me try this..."

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AAAAAHHhhhhhhh.....aaahhhhhh....ahh..ah...." >snoring sounds ensue 

-door opens-

Pegasus: Yes? Please tell us what's going on dear doctor...

Doctor:_"Dear doctor"??_ Well, it is confirmed that Mr. Seto Kaiba IS pregnant. Which completely defies quite a few laws of human anatomy, may I add...

Pegasus: Oh, this is absolutely WONDERFUL news! I'm going to have a bAbY, I'm going to have a baAaAaby, I'm going... >continues singing and skipping around 

Doctor: Erhem... >looks rather disturbed I'm sorry to disappoint you, but the father-to-be isn't you, Mr. Pegasus.

>Noah and Mokuba look up 

Noah: Really?

Mokuba: Man, if this is what it's like to be a the CEO of Kaiba Corp, I don't think I wanna...

-Pegasus is frozen stiff, and only a few stammers are audible-

Pegasus: But....eh....ah....who???

Doctor: Well, uh..

Pegasus: >suddenly enflamed with intense rage Tell me, $# it!! WHO IS THE FATHER OF THE BABY???? >strangles and shakes the poor physician 

Doctor: UUUAAAHH! GGGHHHH!! UUGGggghhhh.....::passes out::

Pegasus: ::lets the doctor go :: Oh, my. What have I done?? Tsk, tsk...that temper of mine....

Noah: Great. Now we don't know who the father is.

Yami: >walks out Sigh...

Mokuba: Yami, do you know who it is?

Yami: Yes, yes, I do...

Noah: So..give it up, would you?

Yami: ::nervously puts hands in pockets:: Well....::inhales deeply::

Mokuba: So?

.............

Noah: Man, c'mon. We don't have all day.

Mokuba and Noah: YAMI!!!

Yami: Alright...::breathes deeply again::

Yami: Congradulations, Noah, you're going to be a new father.

DUM DUM DUMMMM


	9. Episode 8

**Hey, I got reviews! Lots of them! Yay!**

**Sami-Err, I don't like incest, so I'm not putting it in my stories. Well, technically Noah and Mokuba are stepbrothers, but they're not blood-related…so it's not really incest. My bro is 12 by the way. He turns 13 soon though. Thanks for reviewing!**

**Miss Zoe- Thanks, glad you like it! Well, about updating…I'm REALLY SLOW. My average updating rate is every two weeks OO. Yes, I know. Takes awhile to think up of a good episode and then type it and deal with the occasional stupidity of the story processor stuff…and I'm a real busy girl. I'll try my best though!**

**Kiwigrl89-You put it in favorites??? Me so happy!! ::hugs::**

**smilez4ever-Yes, Seto is a slut, ahaha. Hmm, not sure about a Joey/Kaiba pairing. Maybe. Keep reading—Joey's coming soon.**

**Krista123-LOL I get completely freaked out reactions like yours a lot! It's soap-opera-ish enough? Really?? Thanks!**

**Dark Kaze Ryuu-What the…Claws..Dragon? Hmm, must be a split personality. Glad you like the fanfic!**

** Oh yes, good news! I happen to already have thought up of the next two episodes. I just need to type them. They might be up next weekend(1/22)..._maybe._ I have to work on a four-major grade essay that same weekend, so we'll see how it goes. Sorry I'm so slow! But quality is better than quantity when it comes to fanfictions!**

* * *

Episode 8:

-complete stunned silence-

-5 minutes pass-

Noah:...

Mokuba:...

Yami: -- ::appears rather unmoved::

-10 minutes pass-

--Mokuba draws in breath for the first time in 10 minutes--

--Noah has not moved--

-20 minutes pass-

Mokuba: N...noah?

--Noah has still not moved--

-30 minutes pass-

Yami: Look, I'm going to go check on Kaiba now.

Mokuba: Um...ok...

--Noah may have blinked--

-40 minutes pass-

Noah: Oh, ahahaha! Good joke, good joke! We can all stand a good laugh now and then, right? ::forced laughter::

Mokuba: I wish it was, Noah...but I think Yami's serious.

Noah: C'mon, Mokuba, do you REALLY believe that your stupid-idiotic-imbecile-moron-crackhead-of-a-brother's boyfriend is actually right? Think about it, how could I possibly get that stupid-idiotic-imbecile-moron-crackhead pregnant, of all things??

Mokuba: Well, where were you last night?

Noah: Wasn't I..um.."having fun"...with you?

Mokuba: NO! YOU NEVER SHOWED UP! I STAYED UP TILL 2:00 IN THE MORNING FOR YOU! I MISSED WATCHING NEW HAMTARO EPISODES FOR YOU!!!

Noah: But...but...whose cute butt did I massage last night?

Mokuba: >gasp OO

Noah: Oh...no...

Mokuba: How...how could you?? ::tears begin to well up::

Noah: Mokuba, please...don't be irrational..I'm sure we can straighten this out...

Mokuba: ::sniff:: NO! There's NOTHING to straighten out! You know, you meant something to me! You were important to me! But apparently I mean nothing to you, nothing!! NOTHING AT ALL!! ::bursts into tears::

Noah: No, that's not true! Mokuba, please...::tries to hug Mokuba::

Mokuba: SHUT UP, YOU LIAR! >slaps Noah...HARD 

--the earth may have stopped rotating for a moment--

Noah:...

Mokuba: >angrily We...are...OVER. ::heads out the door::

WHAM! -door slams shut-

Noah: ::tenderly touches where Mokuba slapped him::...Mokuba...

-----Meanwhile, back in Kaiba's homemade doctor's clinic-----

Kaiba: ::groans:: Ergh...

Yami: Kaiba? Are you alright? ::rushes to Kaiba's bedside::

Kaiba: Yes, I'm fine. ::yawns:: That stupid doctor stabbed me with anesthetic, didn't he? I wish I didn't make such a fuss about the weight gain...but really, 10-20 pounds?!? How am I supposed to fit into my stylishly seductive slim clothes???

Yami: Kaiba, darling, you KNOW you get your clothes custom-made, even your underwear. Besides, that extra weight can be useful if it goes to the right place...::naughtily rubs Kaiba's beautifully bootilicious "right place"::

Kaiba: ::giggles:: Oh, Yami...you're soOoOo bad...::grabs Yami's head and presses his lips against Yami's with no mercy::

--Kaiba and Yami nearly suck the life energy out of each other, and have grabbed and groped so many inappropriate places that they are running out of them--

Kaiba: ::kisses Yami's cheek:: Mmm...Yami?

Yugi: ::continues to nibble Kaiba's neck:: Mmm?

Kaiba: Where's the doctor? ::kisses Yami's other cheek::

Yami: Oh, he passed out when Pegasus strangled him...::has moved onto Kaiba's shoulder::

Kaiba: That idiot...sometimes he just can't control his emotions...you didn't tell him the truth, right? And how's the rest of them? ::tenderly nibbles Yami's hair::

Yami: Nah, Pegasus doesn't know. And I made up some crap about Noah being the father...hmph, I think they actually took it...they're just not as smart as you, my sweetheart...::massages Kaiba's lower neck with his lips::

Kaiba: HA! Noah! As if that would happen...

Yami: Mmm...::continues to caress Kaiba::

DUM DUM DA DUM!!!


	10. Episode 9

Hello, my gracious fans!

I am SOOOOOOO sorry for the long wait. I know I haven't updated since January. Basically, school has been very hectic this year since I am a junior and am very much involved in extracurricular activities. I literally have not had a REAL break where I can sit around and do nothing since winter vacation. ;

I seriously doubt that I'll have another five-month-long period of stale fanfiction again. As I said, I am very, very, sorry.

Did ANYONE see the "crotch shot" episode on Saturday where Yugi and company are floating around in little bubbles WAY too small for their long legs to stretch out in? I drooled a lot that morning.. ---total perv

THANK YOU FOR THE REPLIES! I always appreciate those.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own the anime that has a lot of hot guys dueling each other with cards.

* * *

Episode 9: 

Pegasus::sniffle: >is holding a champagne glass and a full bottle of red wine labeled "For Kaiba, my love and bearer of my beautiful child" Why? How could this happen?

Noah: ...

Pegasus: I would make a WONDERFUL father. :sniffs: I had everything planned. Every morning, I would wake up to take little Maximillion Chevalier Jacques Arnold Schwarzenegger Pierre Pegasus Jr. ("Boobsie" if a girl) out of his tiny crib and feed him his breakfast after I put on the little bib I made for him... >takes a swig out of his glass 

Noah: ...>sigh 

Pegasus: You know what? >whips out a baby blue bib decorated with swirls of delicate pink embroidery I bet this would look absolutely lovely on you...:ties bib around Noah's neck after fifteen tries:

Noah: ...

Pegasus: Ah, it fits you so nicely...>hiccups 

outside, at the courtyard-

Mokuba: >is sitting at the fountain mournfully Did I make the right choice? Should I just forgive him? No...but...I miss him...his sweet kisses, our romantic baths together...

>a familiar figure approaches 

Mokuba:...his hand running through my hair, down my back and my bu...huh::suddenly looks up at the newcomer:

"Hey, is Yugi heah?"

back inside-

Pegasus::twirls around awkwardly: La la la la la laaaaaa...do do doooo...me me me meeee...>hiccups 

Noah: >sigh Maybe if I went out to talk to Mokie, I could get him ba...>walks toward the front doors 

>WHAM! -doors slam open, smashing poor Noah into the wall-

Yami::peeks out of the clinic's door with red lipstick marks all over his face: Hey, what's going on...Joey?

Joey: HEY, it's you, Yuug! Whatcha doin' heah? I've been looking around for you to go pick up some chicks downtown...though it seems like you've already got one, you lucky dog...

Yami: ...

Kaiba::peeks out over Yami's head: How did that stupid mutt get in here?

Joey: Hey, Rich-boy! Did you harass Yugi for ANOTHER card game? Ya know, he can wipe the floor with ya...why are you wearing lipstick?

Yami: OO

Kaiba: #$...we have to do something before his smooth, shiny, prehistoric brain processes anything...

Joey: AHAHAHAHA! Look, it's the exact same shade of the marks on Yugi's face! Boy, don't you look like an idio--hacckkkaaaghhhhh >chokes on the Russian vodka which Yami swiftly grabbed and is forcing down Joey's throat 

Kaiba: OO;

Pegasus: NoOoOoOoOo::sobs:

Yami: >tosses away the now-empty bottle Joey?

Joey: >hiccups Yeah, Yuug::stumbles backwards:

Yami::leads Joey to a couch: Thanks for...uh... trying to find me. You're a good friend, Joey.

Joey::is swaying back and forth, eyes are unfocused: Yeah, um...>hiccups ...no problem...

Yami: You need anything?

Joey: >hiccups Nah, I'm fine...but I feel a little tired and dizzy...could I take a nap somewhere...

Yami: >looks at Kaiba 

Kaiba: >sighs Fine. I don't want some inferior barbarian drooling all over my couch anyway. Just give him one of the beds that Mokuba used to barf and wet all over when he was a kid.

Yami: All right, Joey, time to get up... >drags the drunk boy to the bedroom ...

Joey: Ahhhhh…OOOOOHHHH…..hey, look….it's a hot mama….>drunkenly points towards Kaiba 

Kaiba: Shut your #$in' trap or else I'll…

Joey: Ooohh, you're a spicy one….I like those...come to papa….>stumbles along with Yami as he drools onto the expensive plush carpet 

Kaiba: ...--;

Pegasus: You know, he's right, Kaiba-boy. You certainly are "spicy", especially with that lustrious lipstick on...perhaps you'll lend me some directly from your alluring lips? I can think of some goOoOd places to put it...:giggles:

Kaiba: Get OUT of my sight. :walks off:

Pegasus::whimpers:

the next morning-

>Kaiba and Yami are sitting together on the couch, feeding each other strawberries and cream for breakfast. They don't mind when the cream drips on each other because it only gives them an excuse to lick inappropriate places 

Pegasus: >skips and dances with a strange happiness into the room La la la laAaAaAaa...oh, Kaaiiba-darling...do you want to know what I found out last night?

Kaiba: >hastily removes tongue from Yami's thigh No.

Pegasus: Of course you do...:chuckles:

Kaiba: No. Go away.

Pegasus: Oh, I know you do...I'll tell you anyway...:skips over to the couple and obnoxiously shoves his head in between the couple:

Kaiba: Why, you...

Pegasus::whispers into Kaiba's ear: You always gave me such WONDERFUL nights with that red wine, my sugar-dumpling-cake...

Kaiba: PEGASUS...

Pegasus:...but long live Russian vodka...and blondes...:giggles:

DUM DUM DA DUM


End file.
